These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.

“If you were my husband I’d give you poison.”
– Lady Astor
“If you were my wife, I’d drink it.”
– Winston Churchill

“Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.”
– a member of Parliament
“That depends, Sir, whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.”
– Disraeli

“He had delusions of adequacy.”
– Walter Kerr

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”
– Winston Churchill

“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.”
– Clarence Darrow

“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”
– William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.”
– Moses Hadas

“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
– Mark Twain

“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends..”
– Oscar Wilde

“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend…. if you have one.”
– George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second…. if there is one.”
– Winston Churchill, in response.

“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.”
– Stephen Bishop

“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.”
– John Bright

“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.”
– Irvin S. Cobb

“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.”
– Samuel Johnson

“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.”
– Paul Keating

“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.”
– Charles, Count Talleyrand

“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.”
– Forrest Tucker

“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”
– Mark Twain

“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”
– Mae West

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go..”
– Oscar Wilde

“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts.. . for support rather than illumination. ”
– Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.”
– Billy Wilder

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.”
– Groucho Marx